You Don't Know Me
by SixthRedSon
Summary: An impulsive moment leads Harry to a situation he had hoped he’d never be in. After revealing his feelings, Harry is faced with the consequences. SLASH.
1. Thing Called Love

Disclaimer: _This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. _

Summary: _An impulsive moment leads Harry to a situation he had hoped he'd never be in. After revealing his feelings, Harry is faced with the consequences. SLASH._

A/N: _Constructive Criticism is appreciated. Flames are taken for what they're worth, meaningless drivel. This story will probably come in three parts, one told from each POV of the trio, but that may change. Please review. _

****

* * * * *

"Harry?" 

I look up from the dying fire startled. Hermione is standing in her nightgown one hand on my chair. "Harry, what are you doing up?"

"Nothing," I say, hoping she will just leave me alone. Hoping that she won't ask me what's wrong.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I repeat turning back towards the fire and squeezing my eyes shut. For the first time in my life I curse having a friend that knows me so well. She seems to hesitate a moment before taking a deep breath and coming to stand between me and the fire. 

I open my eyes as she kneels down in front of me. I wish I was able to appreciate her figure. I do appreciate it, in a perfectly aesthetic manner, but not in the way that would get me out of this mess. Not in the way that would make everything okay.

She looks up at me her chocolate brown eyes searching out mine.

"You know you can tell me anything," she says very quietly. 

I nod, though I know I can't. I've only told one person everything and he's not talking to me anymore. He may never talk to me again.

To my surprise she doesn't say anything more but leans forward and kisses me on the forehead. She stands up gives me a worried look and quietly walks away back towards the stairs.

"Goodnight," I whisper into the darkness, but it's so low that I'm sure she can't hear it. 

I make my way up the stairs to my dorm feeling numb. I open the door quietly and hear Neville's loud, yet oddly comforting snores. I feel my chest tighten when I see that Ron has pulled the curtains closed around his bed. I know he's not asleep. He doesn't really snore, he just breaths really deeply. It's this wonderful rhythmic sound that always soothes me. Whenever I can't sleep I always search out his breathing and trying to get in sync with it. In, out, in, out. It always makes me fall asleep.

Only silence comes from his closed curtains. 

I change into my pajamas and climb into my own bed. Pulling the curtains closed. I never wanted things to happen this way. Never.

* * * * *

The next morning I find he's already gone when I wake up. I get dressed and make my way downstairs. I stop abruptly on the second step from the bottom when I see him talking quietly with Hermione. She's frowning and clutching her books to her chest. I wonder if he's told her what I've done. I wonder if she will feel differently towards me as well. 

How could I have been so stupid?

"All right, Harry?" says a bright eyed Colin very loudly.

"Fine," I lie, feeling like I'm going to throw up as my two best friends look up at me. Ron whispers something to Hermione and hurries out the portrait hole. I make my way over to Hermione.

"Morning," I say softly, avoiding her eyes.

"Morning, Harry," she says.

There is an awkward pause and I can feel her eyes burning into me.

"Is it true?" she asks in a low voice so only I can hear, "Did you kiss him?"

Leave it to Hermione to get directly to the point. I swallow and look up at her. I'm surprised to see hurt mixed with confusion in her face.

"Yes," I say feeling my cheeks growing warm. "I didn't mean to, it just happened."

She stares at me for a moment and then blinks. "Why?"

I shrug not knowing how to explain it. Not really knowing myself when my feelings for Ron had begun to change. Perhaps they had never changed. Perhaps I had felt this way towards him since the beginning of our friendship and was too young to realize what it was.

I know my answer isn't good enough, but Hermione says nothing as she turns and walks toward the portrait hole. I follow her not knowing what else to do. We walk side by side silently down the hall.

"What did he tell you?" I ask finally as we are about to enter the Great Hall.

She turns and looks at me, then at the students around us. She takes my hand and leads me to a deserted closet. After she's shut the door and has cast a soundproof spell she looks at me again. I can't put my finger on it but there is something tragic about the way that she looks.

"He said you two were doing your divination homework last night and that you kissed him."

"That's it?" I asked feeling my heart speeding up.

She bites her lip, "Yes."

I nod.

"Harry..." she starts, and then seems to hesitate.

"Go on," I say, knowing somewhat what she's going to say.

"He's confused. He doesn't know why you did what you did. I don't know why."

"I love him," I say, instantly feeling the impact of my own words. I've never said it out loud before.

Hermione inhales sharply, "You love him?"

"Yes," I whisper, never being more sure of anything in my life.

"Not in the way you love me," she says her eyes glinting with tears.

"No, in a different way," I say, suddenly realizing why she's crying.

She nods and goes to open the door, but I stop her.

"Do you hate me?"

She looks up quickly, "Oh Harry, I could never hate you."

"Does he?"

"He could never hate you either," she whispers. Then she wraps her arms around me hugging me tightly. I squeeze back, grateful that I still have her friendship.

She pulls away, tears streaming down her face. She wipes away at them impatiently, almost as if she's irritated to have shown so much emotion. 

"Things aren't going to go back to normal, are they?"

She shakes her head. "No, they're not."

I nod and open the door for her. She steps out into the hall and waits for me. We make our way to the Great Hall and eat silently surrounded by the cheerful talk of our fellow Gryffindors. I'm disappointed that he's not at breakfast, but deep down I know he won't talk to me unless he's ready. 

If he's ever ready.


	2. Disappointed

Disclaimer: _This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. _

Summary: _An impulsive moment leads Harry to a situation he had hoped he'd never be in. After revealing his feelings, Harry is faced with the consequences. SLASH._

A/N: _Constructive Criticism is appreciated. Flames are taken for what they're worth, meaningless drivel. This story will probably come in three parts, one told from each POV of the trio, but that may change. Please review. _

****

* * * * *

"I love him," 

"You love him?" I repeat, feeling as if he's just stabbed me in the stomach.

"Yes," comes his quiet reply, barely above a whisper. 

"Not in the way you love me," I say, feeling the tears collecting in my eyes. 

"No, in a different way," He says, his eyes softening.

I nod blindly turning towards the door. He lays his hand on my arm and I freeze. I don't look up at him, I can feel my tears spilling over and I don't want him to see me cry. 

"Do you hate me?"

I feel like he's just twisted the knife in my stomach.

"Oh, Harry, I could never hate you."

"Does he?" he asks worry written all over his face.

I don't know what to say. 

"He could never hate you either," I hear myself whisper. 

He's so close and he looks like he's in so much pain that I reach out and hug him tightly. For so long I've wondered what it would feel like to hug him like this, to be this close to him, but never under these circumstances. He squeezes back gently and I pull away. My face is wet and I quickly try to wipe away the tears before he says anything about them. 

"Things aren't going to go back to normal, are they?"

"No, they're not," I say, wishing they would. Things aren't supposed to be like this. Harry isn't supposed to be in love with Ron. He's supposed to be in love with me.

* * * * *

Ron says nothing as he sits beside me in Charms. On the other side of me I can feel Harry tense, but he continues to study his book quietly. I hate that they've put me in the middle. 

I hate that they've put me in this situation, period. 

I know I have to put my feelings aside, but it's so hard. I don't understand. I don't know what to do. 

"Hermione, can I borrow a quill?" Ron asks, not looking at me.

I hand him an extra, but I don't let go of it until he looks me in the eye. I can tell he doesn't want to talk about it. He probably thinks I've taken Harry's side. He once told me in fourth year that I always took Harry's side. I think that was when he had started to realize how I felt about Harry, but I'm not sure. Everyone had realized how I felt about Harry our fifth year, except Harry. Now I know why.

I finally let go and Ron looks down at his paper without so much as another word, his ears turning red at the tips. 

Through out the rest of the day they don't one word to one another. Though I can tell that Harry wants to, but he's holding back until Ron's ready. It makes me sick.

I try to imagine my best friends snogging each other and I just can't. I can't. 

I always thought I was very understanding when it came to differences in people, but this is different. This is personal. 

I can't blame Ron for avoiding Harry somewhat. It isn't that I love Harry any less, I don't. I love him the same way I did before all of this happened, but I just don't understand him anymore. Maybe I don't want to.

* * * * *

Ron and I are sitting in the sun looking across the lake. Harry is at Quidditch practice. We haven't said anything to one another in over twenty minutes. All we've done is stare out across the dark water.

"What are you going to do about it?" I ask, unable to take the silence any longer.

Ron looks over at me, squinting slightly against the sun.

"Do?"

"Yes," I say exasperated, "What are you going to do? You can't just ignore it forever."

He says nothing as he turns back towards the lake.

"He said he loved you," I say feeling the steel twist again in my stomach.

"What am I supposed to do?" Ron asks in a low voice. "My best friend kissed me last night. And now you say he says he loves me? Just tell me what I'm supposed to do, because I have no idea."

"You have to tell him how you feel," I say. "Even if it isn't the same way."

"What if he tries to kiss me again?" he says, sounding almost scared.

"He said that was an accident," I say. "Just tell him you don't feel the same way about him."

"This is hard for you, isn't it?" he says sitting up and studying my face.

"No," I say darkly, "I'm perfectly fine that Harry is..."

"Is...?"

"Confused," I say feeling my cheeks warm. "He's confused."

"_He's_ confused!"

"Look, Ron, I have to go study. Talk to him, after practice all right? Promise me."

"Hermione..."

"Ron, just talk to him, will you?" I snap.

"All right, Hermione. I'll talk to him."

* * * * *

I walk back to the castle alone. I've done my duty. I've made Ron promise to talk to Harry. He will, he always keeps his word. Harry will no doubt tell Ron what he told me this morning. Ron will...

I don't know what Ron will do.

It's none of my business, though. I've always been the odd one out. This is the first time I've ever felt like the third wheel before. Two is company and three is a crowd. 

It's worse than the ache in my chest from knowing that Harry will always be out of my reach now. I haven't been bested by a Fluer Delaclour look alike, but rather by a tall, lanky redhead with freckles. Of course I see what Harry would find attractive in Ron. That doesn't change the fact that Harry is Harry and Ron is Ron and they just shouldn't be attracted to one another.

I've been trying all day to try to wrap my mind around the idea, but have had no success. 

It's not the shame of knowing that Lavender and Parvati will have a field day with this when it comes out. They're always looking for things to get at me with. They're jealous of my grades and the fact that I spend so much time with Harry. Though now that very thing they are most jealous of will be what they will use against me. 

It's more than the ache and the shame. It's the guilt.

Guilt at feeling angry at Harry for feeling something that he obviously can't help but feel. Guilt at not being able to accept the fact that he's...not who I thought he was.

Most people think I'm a good person, an understand friend. If today has taught me anything, I've found that's not true. I'm just like everyone else, if not worse.

I'm so disappointed.

* * * * * 

A/N: _I realize this was a very short chapter, but I promise to make up for it in the next. _


	3. Harry

Disclaimer: _This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. _

Summary: _An impulsive moment leads Harry to a situation he had hoped he'd never be in. After revealing his feelings, Harry is faced with the consequences. SLASH._

A/N: _Constructive Criticism is appreciated. Flames are taken for what they're worth, meaningless drivel. This story will probably come in three parts, one told from each POV of the trio, but that may change. Please review. _

****

* * * * *

"What are you going to do about it?" she asks, breaking the comfortable silence between us.

The sun is directly behind her and it's hard for me to see her face when I turn to look at her. 

"Do?" Why do I have to do anything? Hasn't he done enough?

"Yes," she says with a sigh, "What are you going to do? You can't just ignore it forever."

I look out towards the lake feeling the knot that's been in my stomach all day tighten. I'm not ignoring it. I just don't want to think about it.

"He said he loved you," she says quietly.

"What am I supposed to do? My best friend kissed me last night. And now you say he says he loves me? Just tell me what I'm supposed to do, because I have no idea," I say feeling something like panic overtake me. This is what I've been trying to fight all day. This spinning feeling, this feeling of having everything fall down around me. I wish she would tell me what do. 

"You have to tell him how you feel. Even if it isn't the same way," she says looking down at her hands. Easy for her to say. 

"What if he tries to kiss me again?" 

"He said that was an accident. Just tell him you don't feel the same way about him," she says quickly. I watch her as she pulls grass out of the ground in clumps. She's agitated, I can tell, even if she's not willing to show it. And why shouldn't she be? Everyone knows she's been in love with Harry since...well since first year, probably.

"This is hard for you, isn't it?" I ask, wishing I knew the right thing to say.

"No," she says grimacing slightly, "I'm perfectly fine that Harry is..."

She seems to hesitate, and for the first time in my life I think Hermione is at a loss for words.

"Is...?"

"Confused," she says blushing, "He's confused."

"_He's_ confused!" 

"Look, Ron, I have to go study," She says getting up abruptly, her cheeks still scarlet. "Talk to him, after practice all right? Promise me."

"Hermione..."

"Ron, just talk to him, will you?" she says tersely as she wipes the grass off her skirt.

"All right, Hermione. I'll talk to him," I promise feeling the knot tighten so much I think I'm going to be sick.

* * * * *

I know he knows I'm here. 

I can tell by the way he's flying. The stiffness in his movement, almost as if he's concentrating extra hard on the task at hand, trying not to look at me. I watch as he narrowly dodges a bludger that gets past Ginny. She's a Chaser for the Gryffindor Team, though secretly I think she just joined to be near Harry. If she only knew.

I stand up suddenly. I can't do this. I can't talk to him. Not right now. What am I going to say? What am I going to do? It's like I don't even know who he is anymore. 

__

But you gave Hermione your word, a small voice inside me says quietly.

I sit down, putting my head in my hands. Dammit. 

I know I can't ignore it. I've tried, but I can't, even if I want to. Last night keeps repeating over and over in my mind like some sick play.

We had been the only ones in the Common Room, having put off our Divination homework until the very last minute. Hermione had given us a hard time about it and then disappeared up the stairs to the girls' dorms. We had sat there coming up with answers for a good while and talking about the upcoming Quidditch game. It had been like any other night, until he kissed me.

I had looked up at him to find him staring at me, a funny expression on his face. Then, before I could ask him what was wrong he had closed the space between us and kissed me softly on the lips. 

Even now, in my mind, I can see it all playing out as if in slow motion. I had been so surprised that I pushed back from the table too hard and fell back in my chair. He was instantly by my side, his eyes wide behind his glasses. 

"What the hell are you doing?" I had asked my heart pounding in my chest.

"Ron, I'm sorry. I..." he had said frowning at me and reaching down to help me up.

"Don't touch me," I had said scrambling away from him. He withdrew his hand quickly, as if he had just been burned. The look of hurt on his face almost made me feel guilty, until I remembered what had just happened.

"Ron..." he had said, his voice almost pleading, but I didn't wait for him to finish.

"I'm going to bed," I had said quickly cutting him off and walking halfway around the room to give him a wide berth. 

It had only taken a couple of minutes for last night to happen. Five at the most. But those five minutes had changed everything. Everything.

How could he have done that? I mean, he's my best friend. 

Best friends don't go around kissing one another. 

What does he want from me? Does he want me to kiss him? Does he want me to...to...

I shudder and cross my arms.

I just don't understand.

I wonder how long he's felt this way. How long has he been thinking about this? How long has he been watching me. I think of all the times that we've been alone together. Sneaking down to the kitchens at Midnight, talking in the dorms, playing chess in the Common Room, was he thinking about kissing me those times too?

I feel betrayed.

If this was someone like Seamus or Neville, I'd never talk to them again. Never. I'd just avoid them for the rest of my days at Hogwarts.

But this is Harry.

It all comes down to this. 

Harry Potter is my best friend. I could avoid him for the rest of my days at Hogwarts, I could if I made myself do it, but I'd be miserable.

He's more than my best friend, he's like one of my brothers. More than that, really. Sometimes I feel like he knows me better than my family does. Better than Hermione does.

I've thought alot about what my life would be like without Harry. Ever since he barely got away from You-Know-Who in the Triwizard Tournament in fourth year. I realized then what it meant being Harry's friend. I realized the danger he was in and that there may come a day when he won't get away. I tried to picture my life without Harry by my side making me laugh, making me worry, and getting me in trouble, but I just couldn't. The thought was too painful to even consider.

Everything would just be so empty without Harry. So wrong.

And it just seems wrong that Harry would be here ... alive and well, eating at the same table, going to the same classes, sleeping one bed over and that I wouldn't be talking to him. 

I could do it, if I wanted to. I managed to do it in fourth year when I had thought he had put his name in the Goblet of Fire, but it had been so hard. I had to remind myself constantly that I wasn't talking to him. I just don't think I could do it again. If anything was to happen to him...I'd never forgive myself.

"Ron?" I look up to see him standing a couple of rows below me. 

I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. I don't know what to say.

His face turns slightly pink as he rushes forward, "Ron, I want to apologize for last night. I didn't mean to..." He hesitates, and adjusts his glasses, something he only does when he's extremely nervous, "I didn't mean to..."

"It's fine," I hear myself say.

He looks up at me startled, "What?"

Yes, exactly what did I say? It certainly isn't fine. Is it? 

"It was a mistake. It never happened," I say quickly.

Harry looks down at his feet for a minute and then back up at me. I'm surprised to see determination in his eyes. "It did happen."

"It was an accident," I insist. "It didn't mean anything."

"Is that what you think?" he asks searching my face.

I look away, "That what I'd like to think, Harry."

"Think what you'd like, Ron," Harry says and I can hear the frustration in his voice, "But it did mean something."

"Not to me," I say quietly.

He suddenly looks very unwell as he stares blankly at me for a moment. He opens his mouth to speak and then shuts it. I watch as he turns and begins walking away without another word.

I watch him make his way down the bleachers and disappear into the locker room. I feel as defeated as he looks. That wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.

It was harder.

* * * * *

I wait for him to emerge from the locker room.

He doesn't smile at me when he comes out fifteen minutes later.

We fall in step with one another and make our way towards the castle silently. Halfway there I stumble and he reaches out a hand to steady me. I flinch and he lets go of me quickly.

"I can't do this," he says stepping away from me.

"Can't do what?"

"I can't stand you acting like you're scared of me." 

"I'm not scared of you," I say, my cheeks burning. "I just don't understand you."

He shakes his head, "What's not to understand? I've done the stupidest thing I could ever have done. I've fallen in love with my best friend. It's quite simple really."

"Why me?" I ask.

"Because you're you," he says simply. "Look, Ron, if I could explain it, I would. If I could change it, I would. But I can't. Do you think I'd really choose to be in this situation? Things are complicated enough as it is with Voldemort and Dumbledore, do you really think I would choose to distance the person that's closest to me, on purpose?"

"Maybe," I say. The truth is I had thought about this lying awake last night. Maybe this was some insane ploy of Harry's to get me to distance myself from him. Maybe he thought that if I wasn't targeted as one of his best friends I'd be out of danger. 

He blinks at me, "What?"

"Maybe you think I'd be safer. Maybe you think I can't handle things."

"No, that's not it," He says frowning. "That's not it at all, Ron. I need you too much to do that."

"Okay," I say, turning away from him and walking toward the castle. He catches up with me and we walk the rest of the way without another word. 

I feel strangely relieved. Strange as this situation is, it would have been much worse if he was doing it because he thought I needed protecting. It's strangely comforting to know that he needs me. Because even if I don't feel the same way he does, I need him too.

* * * * *

A/N: _Thank you to those of you who have stuck with me to the end. I know many of you readers wanted some beautiful slashy happy ending, but unfortunately those are rare in real life. I tried to make this story as realistic as possible. I'm thinking about maybe continuing this story in a sequel, but I'm not sure. Let me know what you think. _


End file.
